


Even the universe makes mistakes (But loving you wasn't one)

by HedaCarmilla



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27336163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HedaCarmilla/pseuds/HedaCarmilla
Summary: Sua was her soulmate, who would never choose her. How do you handle the woman you are meant to be with hating you? You run away
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Minji | JiU, Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Even the universe makes mistakes (But loving you wasn't one)

Minji's childhood next door neighbor was a girl a couple months younger than her. And she adored elephants, insisting they were her spirit animal, despite Minji telling her she looks more like a bird, small and loud.

They were close. Not best friends, because Minji gave too much and Sua pulled too much and both ended up unhappy, but they trusted each other. They even respected each other. 

They were 8 when Siyeon moved in. They met when Siyeon forgot her keys home, coming from school, and was waiting outside the building for her parents to come home. Sua wasn't allowed to bring people home, so she asked Minji to let Siyeon stay with her until her parents returned. How could she say no, how could she ever refuse them?

The tattered wolf toy Siyeon got from Minji that day still rests on her bed. A lone wolf that wasn't so lonely after all.

Both of them grew close to Siyeon, but never quite learnt to accept each other. Without Siyeon, they would've most likely drifted apart, Minji often thought. 

And it happened. They grew up, highschool ended, and Siyeon was the first to get accepted in college, in Seoul. This left Sua and Minji, alone in Incheon, although not for long. Sua had always wanted to be a dancer, so she never gave up on auditions. Eventually, she got accepted at a company and had to leave for Seoul.

It was her last night in Incheon, her last night with Minji, so naturally they were drinking.

"Sua… I- i have something to tell you." Minji stared at her wrist, playing with her sleeve.

"Me too." Sua said after a pause.

"Then how about we go at the same time?"

"Sounds good to me." Sua downed another shot while Minji raised her sleeve.

3…2…1…

"I'm dating Siyeon"

"You're my soulmate"

They both stared at each other in silence. Sua's eyes slowly moved from Minji's to Minji's wrist, where a small tattoo laid on her skin. An elephant, with her own signature underneath. An elephant, matching the style that laid on her own skin, on her ribs, in the form of a rabbit, the reason she never let Siyeon see her naked. 

"You can't be. "

"Maybe I'm not, but you are mine. The… the universe doesn't lie."

"Then it's a mistake. I don't love you. And you probably hate me, you're so happy to see me go! "

Minji's heart cracked, a pain so sharp in her chest she thought that was it. "I don't. I love you, Sua. This is why I'm happy to see you go. Because I know you won't be happy with me. " 

Sua didn't know what to do. She knew, of course she knew, but this couldn't be right. Not when she loved Siyeon with all her heart. The universe never lied, she knew that. But it doesn't mean it never makes mistakes. This had to be it. Because her rabbit should've been a wolf, a wolf that came from a hare's home. 

"Damn you, Minji. Just... Just fuck you. Why does it have to be you?" Anger rose in her chest, more and more as Minji just smiled at her, sadness clear as day in her eyes.

"I don't know. But you are free, Sua. I love you, i won't be holding you back. Just… just don't forget me, please. That's all I ask." Minji sat up, her steps sure despite the wobble caused by alcohol.

"Hey! Hey, where are you going?! "

"A friend. You can use my bed if you want." She left, not caring about the sound of shattered glass coming from behind the door.

She never told Sua, but she had her own plans. She had kept in touch with Siyeon too, she knew about them being long distance. And she knew Siyeon's friends, she met them one time when she went to visit her. Dami, Gahyeon, Handong… and Yoohyeon. 

Maybe there were mistakes in how the universe worked, because the way her and Yoohyeon were was just cruel. 

'I'll be in Seoul at 5. Can you pick me up?' 

'Yeah'  
'how many bags do you have?'

'Not too many, we are broke remember?'

'Not for long, miss CEO'

Minji smiled at her phone. She was in love with Sua, yes. But her heart was big enough to love someone else too. 

'shut up, nerd'

' :P '

In her drunken state, Minji flagged down a cab. To her parents and then to the train station. And then, the next day, with Yoohyeon, to London. She hoped Sua could forgive her for not telling her. 

Yoohyeon's bed was warm. Her arms were warm, holding her tight. Normally, Minji was a grateful person, but in that moment she was cursing the world for not making Yoohyeon hers, for hurting them both in such a way. 

"Why can't it be you?" The daze of alcohol had worn off on the train, replaced by the buzz of exhaustion. "I wish it was you…" Minji pressed a kiss to her neck, then her jaw, making her way up to Yoohyeon's lips. 

Ever since they met, Yoohyeon has been her comfort. The one person she knew who shared her pain. The way she had to apply the make up over the tattoo, the beautiful wolf with deep blue eyes covered by thick foundation. The lingering gazes when she wasn't looking. The forced smile when her soulmate was on another girl's arm. 

Minji had enough sins of her own to know why the universe was punishing her. But she could never forgive it for doing this to Yoohyeon. "I promise I will love you as if you were mine." She whispered, a breath away from Yoohyeon's face. 

Neither woman dared to move, breathing the same air under the weight of the words. Because they had agreed to try, to let Sua and Siyeon try to, because they were small, infinitely so, and maybe the universe would let them slip. But to say it out loud was to defy whatever higher power was there. 

Part of Minji hoped Yoohyeon would say it back, but she knew she wouldn't hear it. She knew Yoohyeon wouldn't risk angering the universe. Maybe Minji was dumb for it, but the universe had given her a rabbit out of all animals. Small and fearful, yes, but in that moment she knew she was also fast and good at hiding. Maybe she could outrun fate, if she had a nick of luck.

"I love you." Was the last thing Minji heard before the exhaustion took over. She slept the day away, Yoohyeon's arms not once loosening their grip.

It was a few days after reaching London, as she was having breakfast with Yoohyeon, laughing at one of her silly jokes, when she found out Sua would never forgive her.

'how could you'  
'i thought we were friends'  
'fuck you Minji'

Her heart felt like glass, and Sua was stepping on it. 

"Minji? What happened?" 

Minji tried to come up with a reply. I hope you'll be happy. I hope you'll understand why I did this. I hope i hope i hope. She ran away, on hope alone, hadn't she?

'im sorry. I did what I had to. Maybe one day you'll understand. '

She closed her phone and put it face down on the table, before smiling at Yoohyeon. "I'm sorry, you were saying?"

Sua stopped contacting her after that. She occasionally heard from Yoohyeon that she was doing well, at least according to Siyeon. That was good. It meant she was right. Maybe she was being too proud, but she knew she was right in leaving. Because away from Sua, it was easier to breathe. 

It wasn't hard to love Yoohyeon. The girl just radiated warmth, like a campfire in the middle of the night. As long as Minji kept giving her her love, Yoohyeon will reciprocate. 

Loving Yoohyeon was easy, in fact. So easy, she sometimes forgot she was not her soulmate, only to be reminded when they held hands. So she started wearing bracelets all the time, and it worked.

When they were intimate, she could pretend Siyeon's name never slipped past her lips, just like Yoohyeon could pretend she never drunkenly cried about Sua.

It wasn't perfect. It was far from perfect, but it was the best they could get. 

She got back in touch with Siyeon after a while. And she learnt that things were still going well with Sua. She learnt that they had found out they weren't soulmates, but decided to stay together. She learnt that making the right thing still hurt, when Siyeon thanked her for leaving.

But as long as they were happy, Minji was too. She wanted to make things easier, so she threw herself into her studies, and Yoohyeon. Then, her job, and Yoohyeon. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could change what the universe wanted. 

Loving Yoohyeon was easy. But loving someone you weren't meant to be with wasn't. Because she was trying to fill a void with the wrong shape. Because neither of them knew how to stop giving, and Minji needed someone to pull her back sometimes. 

To her surprise, it was Yoohyeon who suggested it. It was a weekend in August. They were lying in their room, in their shared apartment, and the universe had seemed so still that day that she felt a storm brewing. 

"Minji?" Yoohyeon's voice was small, hesitant. 

"Yes, my darling?"

"I want to get tattoos. "

Minji stared at her. She hadn't expected Yoohyeon to be that bold. But she agreed. She had once promised Yoohyeon she would love her like her soulmate, and she was a woman of her word. It was early October when they went and got them, puppy and a rabbit. Soulmate tattoos, made by their own design. 

That day, Minji thought that, if there was a way to mend broken glass, Yoohyeon had found it. She found herself thinking of Sua less and less, and Siyeon's name only came up when they talked over phone.

Minji was a proud woman. And it's always pride that comes before the fall. She trusted that her and Yoohyeon managed to defy the rules, and her overconfidence caused her to invite Sua and Siyeon to London. Because, she thought, her life was steady enough with Yoohyeon to handle it.

"It's been too long since we've seen each other. I can't take a holiday abroad right now, cause they might need me at the cafe, but you're more than welcome to visit if you end up in London" she told them, and Siyeon booked the flight.

In all honesty, she was surprised Sua agreed to come. It had been so long since she's seen her, since she's head her voice… her laugh… but somehow it all was the same as the day she left her. 

Being near her was like standing too close to the sun. The freezing expanse of space and the deathly warmth of her. 

"I see you got matching tattoos. I wanted them too, but Sua refused, so i got a solo one." Siyeon showed them her shoulder tattoo. 

Minji watched Yoohyeon's reaction, not missing the way her smile stopped reaching her eyes. 

Minji loved Yoohyeon too. She loved her enough to let her go, if that was her choice. So when cooking dinner, alone since their guests were in the living room, she told Yoohyeon. 

"If you want to go for her, I'll understand. "

"W-what? Minji, what are you talking about?"

"I've seen the way you look at her, Yoohyeon." She smiled. "I don't blame you. I just want you to be happy."

She promised she would love Yoohyeon like a soulmate, and, like with Sua, that meant being ready to lose her to Siyeon. Oh how she wished she could hate her, but even that she couldn't. 

Yoohyeon sighed. "At least… at least give yourself the same chance, ok? And no matter what we do, know i love you. By choice, i love you, ok?"

Minji smiled, and for as much as she hated the universe, she was eternally grateful for Yoohyeon being in her life.

It was deep in the night, and deep into the bottle of hard liquor they had bought. Yoohyeon and Siyeon had left the room a while ago, and Minji could feel the tension so thick she could cut it with a knife. 

"Sua… just… say something. I know something's on your mind. " Minji prayed she made the right choice, because around her she never knew, she realised.

Anger and pain radiated out of Sua. Bright and hot, like flames. "I keep thinking of how much I hate you. I hate you for everything, double so for not being able to blame you. Because I should hate myself, for letting you go, for using Siyeon, for not being able to love her… i hate you so much for making me love you even when you were away, because every happy moment i had with her was because of you." 

Sua was small, yes, but also intimidating. She was right in front of Minji, seemingly ready to kill her.

"Do you know why I hate you the most, Minji? Because you fucking want me to hate you. Because you are playing the martyr as always, like the absolute idiot you are. You should've stayed for me! You should've pulled instead of giving me space! " Her voice rose, before falling back to a whisper. "I should've given you my love, shouldn't i?"

Minji's head was a mess. Sua loved her, but hated her with a passion. Love and hate… two sides of the same coin. 

"You look so beautiful…" 

It all happened in an instant. Where Yoohyeon would've given her the lead, Sua pulled her close, crashing their lips together. 

Every touch felt like fire. The light of the sun, coming down on her. Bringing light to every nook and cranny, melting together all the shattered pieces with held back sighs and utterances. 

Sua pulled and pulled, at her heart, at her clothes, at her very soul, until Minji gave in and let herself go. 

She let herself fall into Sua, into her touch, to hear her voice again. They didn't sleep that night, and after they got tired they just laid next to each other, talking. Because all the years apart felt like a vast sea they needed to cross now, or be forever lost trying to swim. 

"You know what's ironic? I was supposed to have you forever, but i was an idiot and now you're hers." Sua laughed, bitter and sad. 

"Maybe we can figure something out. The four of us. "

Minji was getting overconfident again, she knew that. One night couldn't fix years of pain, of loss, and surely couldn't reason replacing Yoohyeon. But all of them… together, choosing that? That was something she could see happening.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really know how to end this properly, because there's no definite answer imo, so i hope this ending makes sense to y'all too


End file.
